Slaying the Giant in My Life

2017 was my year of battle. And I faced more than one.

In October, I shared a post with you about my unwanted journey for which I was now grateful. Yes, my bout with depression was indeed a journey. But I now realize it was more than that. I was on a journey through unfamiliar territory, facing a new BATTLE every few months. From discouragement to depression to anxiety to physical pain and finally to victory. Or so I thought, when I wrote about my journey.

You see, I thought I was SO CLOSE to the end of the unwanted journey, and I was — and still am — grateful for all I learned. I was so ready to jump back into this passion of mine, blogging. I adore creating, sharing, writing, teaching, encouraging, engaging, and everything else blogging encompasses.

But what I did not realize in October was that I would  face one more giant… one more battle before the year would end. And I didn’t know then that this final giant, and the battle it brought, even existed. 

But I see him clearly now. His name is FEAR and he will NOT win.  

How did I recognize this giant? Well, it took a while. But after I shared my journey on the blog in October and was ready to jump back in with both feet, I DID NOT. Sure, I had one big win… I was blessed to be selected to write a sponsored post in December that shared about our Merry Yacht Life and my Mistletoe Mojito recipe.

But throughout the holidays I had a myriad of other ideas to share. More thoughts and encouragement about my journey through depression… Yummy, creative holiday recipes… Christmas decor in our mid-century cottage… The cutest wreath I’ve ever made (that featured a reindeer with eyelashes. Maybe you’ll see it next December!)… Ideas for helping families focus more on the “reason for the season.” I had SO MANY ideas, pictures of recipes and crafts, and time.

But you didn’t see any of that. I just never got around to writing and posting. After a few weeks I noticed I was — perhaps subconsciously — avoiding my blog. But why would I do that… especially now that the depression had lifted? 

And now I know the answer. FEAR. It can be subtle, especially during busy times like the holidays. And FEAR can quietly lurk in the deepest parts of our minds. It distorts the truth God says about us. FEAR can overwhelm us… paralyze and render us unable to move forward while in its grasp. 

Once I identified the giant looming over me, I was able to better identify what I feared most. 

Fear that…

…I can’t make a comeback after all but abandoning my blog because of depression in 2017.

…I’ve lost all the momentum I had after pouring so much of my heart into blogging. 

…you, sweet readers, won’t find the new (and, hopefully, improved) version of Andrea as interesting, inspiring or creative as before.

…I don’t really have what it takes to make this blogging adventure a viable business and help others to do the same.

And then there’s this…

Last November, I had a catastrophe happen with my blog. I won’t bore you with all the details, but the long and short of it is that my site went down a couple of days before Thanksgiving (ike sites do all the time!) However, this was the week I was reaching the largest audience I’d ever reached. Over 10,000 people a day were visiting Tabler Party of Two. But this time, my website didn’t go down a few hours. It went down a few days. Sweet readers wrote me on Thanksgiving morning saying they had all the ingredients for a recipe to serve their huge gathering, but now they couldn’t make it because MY SITE WAS DOWN!

My heart sank. And when I finally got the site back up, something had simply changed. It was like Google and Pinterest had stopped sending people my way since my links weren’t leading anywhere for a few days.

So perhaps my greatest recent fear is that…

…something of which I’m not in control can steal all my hard work and my dreams away from me again without a moment’s notice.

That last one was a BIGGIE for me.

What does fear sound like?

Fear is a liar that shouts out things like “you’re not smart enough.” “You’re not clever enough.” “Why try so hard when you probably won’t succeed in reaching your goals anyway.” “There are others who do what you do, and so much better.”

All lies and distortions.

Because here’s what God has to say about fear:

So don’t worry, for I am with you. Don’t be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you. I will support you with my right hand that saves you. Isaiah 41:10

…be strong and brave. Do not be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go. Joshua 1:9

I asked the Lord for help, and he answered me. He saved me from all that I feared.
Psalm 34:4

God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid, but a spirit of power and love and self control. 2 Timothy 1:7

I will not be afraid, for the Lord is with me. People can’t do anything to me. The Lord is with me to help me… Psalm 118:6-7

Facing the giant.

So what about that giant that needs to be slayed? I can’t honestly say that I’m now walking without fear — or that I ever will completely. But I will say this… I see that giant in front of me, and I’m reclaiming what’s mine. Today, tomorrow, and everyday after. I refuse to listen to the lies and accusations fear hurdles my way. And instead I’m listening to the quiet and encouraging words of my creator and protector, God. 

2018 is my year.

And it can be your year, too! Don’t let fear rob you of all the great things God designed you to do! He has fully equipped each of us. Let’s walk together into this new year with confidence and strength!