Why Date Night Matters

Whether you have been married five years or 25+ years like me, you’ve probably wondered if date night is really all that important. YES, date night matters! No matter how long you’ve been married. And especially if you are in the midst of raising kids. I know, it can seem like one more thing you “ought” to do, like a chore. Yet it’s so important to the health of your marriage!

Of course, I know that isn’t a new flash to you. Most couples realize that nurturing their marriage by setting apart time for date nights is important. Yet many couples simple take note of that and then let the busy-ness of life get in the way of actually making date nights a priority.

Tom and I will celebrate our 28th anniversary this year, and we have always had dates! (I have to admit, I’m married to a man who LOVES special occasions, romance and fun. So consistently having a date night may have come easier for me.) As a result, we continue to have fun together in our empty nest years. But I think the precedent we set in our pre empty nest years has led to the easy, fun and content relationship we have now. Date nights were — and continue to be — a big contributor to that. 

So what’s your excuse? We’ve heard them all… Not enough time. Not enough money. No one to watch the kids. Kids activities take up all our evenings. I would like to humbly argue that no excuse is a good one when it comes to this matter. Not enough money? Some of our sweetest date nights have been a special evening at home or a picnic in a park. Not enough time? Take a look at your life priorities and eliminate activities that don’t align with them. No one to watch the kids? Trade kid watching with another couple or find a trusted baby sitter. Too many kid activities? Perhaps you need to scale back. Your kids witnessing your healthy marriage is more valuable to them in the long run than soccer or dance.

Your kids witnessing your healthy marriage is more valuable to them in the long run than soccer or dance.

Tweet This

Perhaps you’ve gotten so caught up in the demands of life that you can’t really imagine what you would talk about over a romantic, two-hour dinner. Then start small! Head to Starbucks or your favorite wine bar and talk about your bucket list. Or plan a movie date followed by a trip to an ice cream shop. It’s a fact that the more you communicate, the easier it will become. (We’ve all seen older couples at restaurants who sit through an entire meal without saying a word. Eek! You don’t want to become one of them!) Start small but consistent now, and your marriage will reap the rewards later. Trust me on this.

Here are our six rules about date nights:

1. Don’t talk about the kids.

2. Put your date night on the calendar… once a week or once every two weeks, regardless of what’s going on in your life.

3. Keep it fun and light. This isn’t the time to talk about bills or issues in your marriage. If the topic isn’t fun or light, it’s off limits. Period.

4. Ditch the cell phone (except for emergency calls from whoever is watching the kiddos). Texts and emails are taboo.

5. Look your best. Remember the flutter in your heart “back in day” when you were first dating? Appearance mattered then, and it matters now, too.

6. Take turns planning date night. When you’re the planner, your spouse gets to be the guest. 

If you decide to make date night a new priority, I’d love to hear from you! Share your commitment in the comments below. I’d be honored to cheer you on in your efforts.